Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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