What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
