like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
True strength comes from lack of pants
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