My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
