I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize