obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
