Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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