You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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