I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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