I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
