So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
