my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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