I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
