i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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