she kept yelling 'call me bella'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
