would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
