you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
