did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize