Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
