There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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