Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize