he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
