Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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