I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
