dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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