first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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