: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
