Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
