I didn't shave. On purpose
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
