dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
