Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
