Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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