just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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