and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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