that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
