My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
