It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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