I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
