I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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