Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
