I'm so fucking centered right now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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