does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
