awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
