don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
