My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
