I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
