Apparently you make a good broom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize