a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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