I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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