Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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