did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
