when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
