she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
