He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
