miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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