So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Are we still banned from the library?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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