Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
