i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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