By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
