If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
