it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
