i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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