New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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