I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
