I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
