Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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