pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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