My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
