He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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