I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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