So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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