I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
