At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
