she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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