You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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