Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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