his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
