Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
