actually, I'm a sock model
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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