If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
