i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
