I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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