i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
