rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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