ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
