Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
