the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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