so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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