I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We have so much sex to catch up on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
