He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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