You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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