'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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