I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
