note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
